5 Things I Won’t Miss About Boston

It’s hard not to dwell on all the things I’ll miss about Boston. We’ve had 10 great years here and even though it took awhile, this city really grew on me. I’m trying my best to not wallow in all the things we’ll be leaving behind but focusing on the adventures ahead. I’m training myself into the mindset that California will be different but that doesn’t mean it can’t be awesome. In that spirit, here are a few things that I definitely won’t miss about life in Boston.

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1. Geese – I’m not sure what these creatures contribute to the earth other than poop. Sure, they’re cute when they’re in the fuzzy little tennis ball stage but that does not last long. They grow at an alarming rate and enter that awkward teenage stage and then bam! Giant, evil goose. They invade Fenway each spring and poop EVERYWHERE. It makes our evening strolls a lot less enjoyable when we can’t talk to each other or take in the view around us because our eyes are glued to the ground and we’re hyper focused on not stepping in a fresh goose poop. I won’t even walk in grass during the summer because poop is hidden everywhere. I cringe when I see people lying on the grass in a goose field. I’m also creeped out beyond belief by the sound of a hundred geese tearing up grass in a silent field. It’s an eerie, end of the world kind of sound.

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2. Allergies – It was a rough spring for allergies. Our winter lasted for so long that spring came late. Once it did warm up, the trees tried to catch up and blasted all their pollen at once. Is it possible to become dehydrated due to overproduction of snot? I walked around work with a tissue box. I tried not to take Claritin because though it helped with the sneezing and runny nose, it also knocked me out like a horse tranquilizer. There were days when the air was hazy because there was so much pollen floating in it. Cars, sidewalks and my window sills were covered with a layer yellowish green dust. And my hair felt gritty because of all the pollen in it. I always complain that California doesn’t have real trees (a palm tree is not a tree) but this may actually be a good thing.

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3. The 3 H’s – Hazy, hot and humid. I dread these words when I check the WHDH weather page. Anything above 80 is unpleasant and if you toss in oppressive humidity, I just wilt. I feel like I can’t breath. Our apartment, like many in Boston, are antiques made in the early 1900s, which means no central AC. We have wimpy window units that spit out a little cool air but they’re so loud you can’t hear yourself think. And as soon as you turn them off, it’s like they were never on. Anything stronger would blow a fuse. No apartments in Santa Barbara come with AC but apparently it’s because you just don’t need them. We shall see…

4. Attitude – I’m sorry to say this but Bostonians aren’t friendly. Part of my misery the first several months was due to the people. I’m a midwest girl. I’m used to smiles and courtesy. You don’t really get that here. I’ve definitely met some nice people here but in general, it’s not a very friendly place. I’ve talked about this with some locals and they accredit it to the Patriots. They had that “Screw you, I’m right (even if I’m wrong) and I’m going to raise a ruckus until I get what I want” attitude that eventually led to the Revolutionary War and the birth of our nation. Midwesterners on the other hand were pioneers. They needed to band together and create communities in order to survive. Now, who knows if this is at all true but it sounded about right to me. I’ve grown accustomed to the whole New England attitude and in fact, I’ve definitely lost most of my midwestern-ness. I’m not sure when it happened but I noticed it most whenever I visited the midwest. I was at a grocery store in Illinois with a friend when it began to pour. My friend ran to get the car while I waited under the awning with our groceries. A man came up to me and offered me his umbrella. It was so nice it left me speechless.

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5. Drivers – Massholes. Everyone in Boston drives like a jerk. I nearly get hit by a car everyday. And my commute is just a seven minute walk from home. That is not okay! Drivers here don’t seem to understand the meaning of a red light. To most drivers (and the law), a red light means “stop.” To a Boston driver it means “still time for two more cars to go through.” You see the problem here, yes? Even worse, cops do nothing about this. I often see people run red lights in front of cops and the other day, I saw a cop run a red! Drivers who want to make a right turn are the worst of the worst. They seem to be offended by the presence of pedestrians who are crossing the street while the walk light is on. They will not stop for you. Whether they see you or not, they won’t stop for you. If you are in the middle of the street when they want to make a right turn, they will honk at you and get close enough to you to give you a little nudge. It takes everything I have each day to not scream at cars “I HAVE A WALK LIGHT! YOUR LIGHT IS RED!” I generally settle for glaring at them until they’re out of sight. I know I don’t have laser eyes like Cyclops but I hope that they at least feel a strange unsettling prickle as they drive by. So f-you Boston drivers. I wish you luck for the day when karma comes back to bite you in the ass.

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5 Things I Won’t Miss About Boston

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